Q: I’m single and fine with it, but there are people at church who make me feel like I’m some kind of alien because I’m not dating anyone. Why does marriage always seem like the be-all end-all of life?
A: (Disclaimer: I have a reputation as being a match-maker, but I’ve tried to reel it in lately, because I realize I’m part of the problem).
I appreciate this question, because I got married when I was 23 years-old, and I understand why I’m not seen as a source of understanding for those who are single. Even though I don’t know what it’s like to be unmarried later in life, I can say one thing with great certainty: marriage is NOT the-be all end-all of life. If you’re single, everyone asks you when you’re getting married. Then once you’re married, everyone asks you when you’re having kids. And once you have kids, the questions stop, as if there is no more life to be lived. And therein lies the problem.
Marriage and family is God-ordained, and a very special part of our lives. A healthy, Christian marriage is the representation of God’s covenant with his church. But make no mistake: an unmarried person is no less worthy of God’s love and affection than a married person is. In fact, singleness is addressed (and somewhat encouraged) in the Bible. Paul said that it’s better not to marry. The word of God speaks to the benefit of staying single because you have more time to dedicate to the Lord. So the notion that you aren’t complete without marriage is harmful, uninformed and just silly.
I understand the desire to have a mate. I know that many people feel lonely without having a partner to share life with. But, I also know people who are quite content to be on their own, enjoy friendships, and serve the Lord with complete freedom. And I know couples who give just as much to the work of the Lord together, and that’s great too. Guess what? There is no perfect way. Marriage is difficult. It’s a challenge every day to have a healthy, strong relationship, especially if there are children in the mix. And, in the same respect, it’s hard to be by yourself when you have that deep desire to spend your life with someone.
But, the obsession we have with relationships is often the cause of many hardships. Teenagers aren’t stupid. They see the pressure on older singles to hurry up and get married. They see the constant focus on romance, and it can get them into trouble. So many young people believe they should be dating no matter how old they are because that’s what you’re supposed to do. And then they find themselves caught up in sexual sin and countless other issues. In one breath we’re telling our 16 year-old not to date yet, while berating our 25 year-old for “not putting themselves out there enough” to attract a mate. What kind of message does that send?
Imagine if we encouraged young people to seek out God’s best for their lives, rather than fitting them for a wedding dress the moment they turn 21. Imagine if we reminded them that God will give them the desires of their heart, but there is no time-frame, and they can allow their freedom to be an opportunity to grow in Christ and their God-given calling. Imagine we re-assure them that whether or not they get married, it doesn’t disqualify them from anything, and it doesn’t keep them from being fully blessed and satisfied in the Lord.
I know it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks, and it’s been the trademark of the church for a long time to push people down the aisle. Marriage is seen as superior, and singleness seen as inferior. I’m going to say it flat out: That line of thinking is stupid. I know they mean well. But there is so much to life, it’s not all about finding a spouse, getting married, getting a house and having kids. Yes, that’s a part of life, but it’s not everything. Marriage is one way, it’s not the only way, to having contentment in life. If anything, it can often bring more problems. (It can also bring joy, don’t worry).
If we started to teach our young people properly, it might save them from a lot of heartache. Our relationship with God is of the utmost importance, before worrying about planning our wedding on Pinterest. And then we can start emphasizing how to be a good spouse, rather than a good flirt, and focus on finding the right person, instead of whomever happens to be available. It’s time to stop forcing marriage down people’s throats and start promoting trust in God, no matter what path He brings us on.
Hi I am so happy I found your webpage, I
really found you by error, while I was searching on Aol for
something else, Anyhow I am here now and would just like to
say thanks a lot for a incredible post and a all round interesting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to read through it all at the minute but
I have saved it and also added in your RSS feeds, so
when I have time I will be back to read a lot more, Please do keep up the great job.
Hello! Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with us so
I came to look it over. I’m definitely enjoying the
information. I’m bookmarking and will be tweeting this to my
followers! Wonderful blog and brilliant design and style.
Superb, what a web site it is! This weblog provides useful information to us,
keep it up.
Its like you read my mind! You appear to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it or something.
I think that you can do with some pics to drive the message
home a little bit, but injstead of that, this is fantastic blog.
A fantasfic read. I will definitely be back.
When someone writes an article he/she keeps the idea of a user in his/her mind that how a user can know it.
Thus that’s why this post is amazing. Thanks!
26 John told them, ‘I baptize with water, but right here in the crowd is someone
you do not recognize. On a chunk of paper–the one you retain handy when reading
math articles–draw a backwards capital letter “L. Whats does hmu mean
It includes the automation of manufacturing, accounting, sales, services, management information and customer relationship information with the help of integrated software. If you’re interested in learning the language, you might want to read, “PHP Tutorials for Dummies.
You are not happily married to each ones but in certain cases
you might have killed the other or you may have been each other’s parents, siblings or battling next-door neighbors.
This results with what I’ve dubbed spiritual growing pains, or ascension symptoms,
because they’re more commonly known. L e d grow lights They are required in adequate amount; LED is efficient
enough to supply ample a higher level wavelength for plant growth.
In the end, he coined the phrase ‘galaxy’ to the giant number of stars previously called
nebula. The LED ceiling and wall panels add a whole new dimension towards the night club lighting and are already embraced by proprietors from the clubs
all around the globe.
Can I simply say what a aid to find someone who truly is aware of what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know methods to deliver an issue to mild and make it important. More individuals have to read this and understand this facet of the story. I cant believe youre not more popular since you definitely have the gift.
I have been surfing on-line more than 3 hours these days, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty value enough for me. In my opinion, if all webmasters and bloggers made just right content as you did, the web might be a lot more helpful than ever before. “Truth is not determined by majority vote.” by Doug Gwyn.
A must read post!
This is very interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger.
I’ve joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of
your magnificent post. Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks!
Neat blog! Can be your theme tailor made or did
you download it from somewhere? A design like yours with just a few simple tweeks would really make my blog be noticeable.
Please let me know that you got your design. Appreciate it
Write more, thats all I have got to mention. Literally,
it appears just like you relied on the recording to produce
your point. You clearly determine what youre discussing, why waste your intelligence on just posting
videos in your weblog when you may be giving us something enlightening to
see?
Excellent post. Keep posting such kind of information on your blog.
Im really impressed by your site.
Hey there, You’ve done an excellent job. I’ll definitely digg it
and for my part suggest to my friends. I’m confident
they’ll be benefited from this site.
Hello, this weekend is nice for me, because this occasion i am reading this
wonderful educational post here at my home.
Appreciating the time and energy you put into your site
and in depth information you offer. It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the
same old rehashed material. Fantastic read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.
I’m extremely impressed along with your writing skills in addition to with the layout on the weblog.
Is that this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself?
Anyway continue the nice quality writing, it’s rare
to see a great blog like this one today.
Good response in exchange on this matter with genuine arguments and explaining everything regarding that.
This web site certainly has all of the information I needed about this subject and didn’t know who
to ask.
Greetings! Extremely helpful advice in this particular
article! This is basically the little changes that can make the most significant changes.
Thanks a lot for sharing!
You happen to be so awesome! I don’t suppose I’ve read something such as that before.
So wonderful to discover somebody with genuine ideas on this subject material.
Really.. thank you for starting this up. This website is
one thing that’s needed on the web, someone with a bit
of originality!
Hello admin !! I read your blog everyday and i must say you have high quality content here.
Your website deserves to go viral. You need initial
traffic only. How to go viral fast? Search for: forbesden’s tools
Excellent Post, thanks for sharing.