Q: Is there “one” perfect person for everyone? And if so, how do I know if I’ve found them?
A: I hate to disappoint right off the bat, but the whole concept of finding “the one” is a man-made theory and not biblically grounded. If we go by the belief that there is one perfect person for everyone, does that mean if you don’t find them you’ll be alone forever? What happens if someone else marries your “one”? Does it mean that no matter what you do or where you go, God will make sure you meet that person? Will their name be written in the clouds? Will it be spelled out in your cereal one morning?
There is a lot to consider here, and obviously the first place I would start is in the word of God. In there you will find some criteria regarding who God wants you to marry. And it’s based on two main factors: 1) that they are a member of the opposite sex, [Matthew 19:4-6], and 2) that they share your faith in Jesus [2 Corinthians 6:14].
God’s word gives us clear instructions on how to live in holiness, (which puts you in a position to receive God’s best), and how God wants you to treat marriage and family relationships. The emphasis isn’t on who, but rather on how you are supposed to treat such a relationship and what is expected of you as an individual.
Does that mean God doesn’t care who you marry? Quite the contrary. God cares very much. He wants the best for you and He has the best for you, but the onus is on us be in the position to find it. Before you can even think about knowing who to marry, you first have to check these things off your list in your own personal life:
- Are you living in absolute obedience to the commands God has given to you in his word?
- Are your desires to please God and Him alone?
- Are you allowing the power of His grace and Holy Spirit to transform your heart and mind?
- Are you focused on finding out what special calling God has for you, and then walking in that regardless of what it is?
We get so caught up in the fairy-tale of finding our soulmate, that we don’t always consider what is truly God’s best for us. What happens if you become so infatuated with someone that you convince yourself God wants you to be with that person? A lot of times God’s voice sounds suspiciously like our own.
If God really does point out the exact person He wants you to marry, He’s going to tell them as well. Is it possible that it may take the other person longer to figure it out? Yes, it’s possible, but if that person is just as strong in the faith as you, and just as open to hearing God’s voice, they will feel the peace about being with you. If they don’t, you may need to re-consider if you actually heard from God at all.
I think we want to be able to say the words “God told me”, because it’s much less scary than us trying to decide on our own. But, as I said earlier; if you’re living the right away, and you’re truly devoted to God, you won’t be confused about whether or not you should be with someone. If you always keep the matter in prayer, the peace will be there. If there’s doubt, if there’s uncertainty, don’t ignore that. God is clearer than we think if we take our selfishness out of the equation.
Choosing to marry someone is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make, because it’s a covenant established by God. Trust God that He will lead you down the right path, and put the right people in your life. Forget about “fate” and all the garbage that romantic comedies and love songs tell you. I’d rather trust that God will allow me to meet the right people, at the right time, when I walk in obedience and I live according to what His word tells me.
