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“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” – 2 Corinthians 3:17
I can specifically remember the time it all started. I had just resigned from the job I had worked at for several years. I found myself floundering, and questioning what I was supposed to be doing with my life. My plans and goals were suddenly de-railed, and I didn’t know where to turn. I didn’t know how to deal with the trauma I had experienced. Despite my strong faith, my first course of action was not to run to God. In fact, I felt that He was so far away. I felt betrayed by people, and by Him.
“Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7
I didn’t know much about depression, mainly because it was a subject the church stayed away from. All I ever heard was that someone with mental illness either needed a demon cast out of them, or they needed to pray more. Considering the fact that God and I were not on speaking terms, that solution didn’t help me out much.
Over the course of 10 years, I battled depression, fear, and anxiety. I frequently had panic attacks, and suicidal thoughts. My state of mind led me to do things that I never thought I could be capable of doing. I would say one of my rock bottoms was the day I sat in my kitchen for three hours, holding a bottle of pain killers in my hand.
When I finally did get the courage to talk to someone, their response was better than I expected. They shared their own experience with mental illness, and told me I should seek the help of a therapist. So I did. Although it helped to pour out my heart to someone, I quickly realized that a listening ear was all they had to offer. That, and the recommendation of anti-depressant pills.
“The way of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn. It shines brighter and brighter until the full light of day.” – Proverbs 4:18
I was encouraged to start taking the medication, and assured that even though I was a Christian, there was nothing wrong with going that route. It wasn’t an indication that I had a lack of faith.
Ultimately, I decided against taking those pills. I simply didn’t feel the peace in my spirit that it was the right thing for me to do. But, I certainly felt comfort in the fact that I wasn’t alone, and many other Christians also suffered from this same problem. What never sat right with me, however, was that comfort could only go so far. I needed to get better, and no amount of talking was working.
“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” – John 14:27
I would like to say that the church has grown to do better with this important subject matter. What I can say, is that there is much more of an acknowledgment that mental illness is a real, and common problem, and we should be encouraged to talk about it without fear of judgement. I appreciate that. But encouragement and awareness is not a cure.
I realized something along the way. I realized that you can know how much a Christian believes in the healing power of God, and the freedom that comes through the Spirit, by the way they talk about any kind of illness. Don’t misunderstand me; I’m not saying that this comes from a lack of faith. I’m saying this comes from a lack of understanding.
“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.” – Psalm 55:22
I didn’t know that God could heal me of depression. I didn’t think it was possible. The most I had ever heard was that God could heal, but we also shouldn’t expect it. Rather, we should learn to cope the best way possible, and know that some day, when we get to heaven, all will be made well. I lived with the idea that depression was “my cross to bear”. Life will be full of mountains and valleys, and there’s not much we can do about it.
“They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the LORD to care for them.” – Psalm 112:7
Depression is not from God. It’s not meant as a test, a life lesson, or a form of discipline. It’s from the devil. It’s a spirit that belongs back in the pit of hell where it came from. Therefore, we should never say “my depression”, “my anxiety”, “my mental illness”. It’s not ours. It doesn’t belong to us.
You will never overcome something you don’t hate. You have to despise every form of illness, whether it be mental or physical. You can’t embrace it, or own it, or tolerate it. And that’s a truth I did not know about for a long time.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” – John 10:10
I can specifically remember the day it all ended. My best friend had finally had enough of my bellyaching. She wanted to help me and be there for me, but she didn’t know what to do anymore. I wasn’t looking for help. I just wanted to be a victim and make her feel sorry for me. I realize that was becoming obvious. She told me I needed to stop speaking words of death over and over. It wasn’t helping. It just made me feel worse.
“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” – Proverbs 18:21
I remember telling her that I appreciated her honesty, and I needed to take some time away for myself. I guess the idea that my closest friend could hardly stand me anymore was the wake-up call I needed. That day, I closed myself off in my bedroom, and I knelt at the side of bed.
I cried out to God like I hadn’t done in years. I said that I didn’t want this anymore. I didn’t want to use it a crutch or excuse to get sympathy from people. I didn’t want to hold onto something that wasn’t meant for me to have. I was tired of suffering. I was tired of allowing past trauma to dictate my life. I told the Lord that I believed he could set me free. The same way that he had set me free from the sin that bound me a few years earlier, He could heal this too.
I said out loud, this spirit of the devil that has plagued my mind has to go in the name of Jesus. I kid you not, the next morning, everything was different. I didn’t wake up feeling like I had no reason to live. It’s like my mind had been cleared out. And let me tell you, its been all up since that point. And I’ll explain why.
“You have filled my heart with more joy than when grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.” – Psalm 4:7-8
I had to change some habits in my life. I stopped listening to depressing music, and listened exclusively to uplifting and scriptural praise and worship. I stopped watching certain TV shows and movies, and started watching faith-filled preaching. I began to study the Bible. I prayed with fervor. I fasted.
“God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?” – Numbers 23:19
And just a few weeks after that, the Lord spoke to me through his servant clear as day, to remind me who I was and what I should be doing. And I literally have become a different person. I decided that I was going to hold God to His word, and stand on His promises. I needed to clear out the junk that religion taught me, and hold fast to what is mine in Christ.
“Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” – Nehemiah 8:10
The role of the church is not to minimize mental illness, and it’s certainly not to ignore it. People are suffering. They need help. But the answer is not through therapy, or medication, or kind words. That can only go so far. The power of the devil has to broken over their lives. A spiritual problem requires a spiritual solution. And mental illness is a spiritual problem.
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and soundness of mind.” – 2 Timothy 1:7
It doesn’t mean they are demon possessed, (although that could be possible. However as a Christian, light and darkness cannot dwell in the same being). It means they have been bound by a scheme of the enemy intended to destroy them.
I feel that ministers don’t always fully believe the Bible that they preach on. Which is why we will turn to any and every man-made solution first, rather than go to our Source. It’s easier to change your profile picture to a “let’s talk” banner, than to claim the promises of God over your life. Either the Word is all true, or none of it us. If God said it, He will do it. Not half of it, not just in heaven, but in this life, and in the life to come.
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” – Psalm 27:13
Once I understood what the word of God truly says, once I understood His good and perfect will for me, things changed. My prayer for everyone reading this, whether you’re suffering from mental illness or you know someone who is, is that you understand what Jesus did for us on the cross. He died to break all of the power of the enemy over our lives; sin, sickness, depression, fear, everything.
“He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of His beloved Son, who purchased our freedom, and even forgave our sins.” – Colossians 1:13-14
It’s more than just praying harder. It’s a re-education, a renewing of your mind. A declaration of faith. A choice to change your lifestyle. The Bible says that the joy of the Lord is our strength. There is a joy from God that can clear the clouds of depression away for good. You just have to choose it, accept it, and believe it. You don’t have to live with mental illness. You don’t have to suffer anymore. Your healing was already purchased on that cross. It’s yours. Take it in faith, in Jesus name.
“He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son, and He forgave our sins.” – Ephesians 1:7
