I do applaud Bell for making an initiative focused on ending the stigma surrounding mental illness. Depression, anxiety, and all other mental disorders are very real. Suicide is a real outcome. Pretending these things don’t exist, or mocking the very idea does nothing to help the matter. And judging by the outpouring of support on social media, a lot of people agree. Because mental illness is suffered on the inside, a person can suffer in private their entire lives without anyone knowing there’s something wrong. You can’t see it physically, and so often it can be downplayed or disregarded. “Get over it”, “we all have a hard times”, “you’re just crazy”. How many times have we heard those things uttered?
But I would suggest that we too easily throw around certain words, and self-diagnose ourselves not understanding what it really means to have this disease. It’s almost become commonplace to be depressed. But depression is far more than having a bad day, or feeling down sometimes. Depression is a stronghold of the enemy with the sole intention of stealing our joy and crippling our minds. I love that awareness is being brought to this crucial matter. But we need to do more than just talk about it, and accept it. We need to break it. And this issues is very near to my heart, because I have personally experienced it.
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It was quite a few years ago now, around a time in which I was going through a transition in my career, and where I felt lost and void of direction. I fell into a state of depression, so severe that I would have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I wanted to avoid social interaction. I felt immense anxiety all the time, I was in a constant state of nervousness. I felt as though I could snap at any moment. But no one knew. I internalized it. On the outside, I just seemed like one of those neurotic quirky people with OCD, and while that was true, it went much deeper. Mental illness is not something you can control. And being teased for what was controlling me just made me retreat more into a pit of silent despair.
My mental state was so fragile that I contemplated suicide on more than one occasion. But something was always stopping me. I knew all the Bible verses about comfort and strength. I knew the ones about having peace and hope. But reciting verses wasn’t fixing it. Neither were the people who said “I’ll pray for you”, knowing full well they weren’t really going to. I learned that the church is afraid to discuss mental illness, because people filled with the joy of Christ shouldn’t be depressed, right? But guess what? The devil is on a mission to destroy us. Our minds are his biggest battlefield. The destruction of our souls begins with our thoughts. Mental illness is a powerful tool, and it can take down even the most holy of people.
I sought advice from professionals, from therapists and counselors. One of them recommended I start taking anti-depressants immediately. I refused. But I don’t condemn anyone who uses medication. Just because a Christian takes medication, it doesn’t make them any less of a Christian. And just because someone is depressed, it doesn’t mean they need a demon delivered out of them. Let’s stop the cliches and Christian talk because we’re too scared to actually face the issue. We need to embrace our brothers and sisters who are suffering, and not dismiss them as if they’re pretending in order to get attention. Yes, some may be doing that, but it’s not for us to judge.
The first time I had a panic attack, I was terrified. I suddenly couldn’t see. My vision was completely blurred. I was shaking uncontrollably. I thought I must have been having a heart attack. I have always been a person subject to fear. Since I was a child I was controlled by fear. One day a pastor came and prayed over me, and I was delivered completely. But the fear reared its ugly head again in my adult life. I would like to say that I was able to overcome, but it didn’t happen right away. I had to fight my way out of the hole I was in. I remembered the verse the Pastor prayed over me. It was 2 Timothy 1:7 ” For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind”. I got that verse tattooed on my arm. I wanted to take it with me everywhere I went. I wanted that amazing promise of God marked on my body permanently.
Real mental illness is a chemical imbalance. It’s not something you can wish away. But it’s something that through the power of the blood of Jesus Christ, can be broken. You can be set free and delivered from the chains that have kept you in bondage, from the chains that have robbed you of your peace of mind, and of your joy. I believe that through the power of God, anyone who suffers can and will be made whole again. They will be able to throw away their medication. They’ll be able to wake up with a smile on their face, because they know that Jesus has overcome it all.
It’s wrong, insensitive and destructive to make light of mental illness, especially in the church. We need to create an environment in which people aren’t afraid to share their stories, and share their struggles. We need to stand with our brothers and sisters, and not against them. We can’t sweep something under the rug with our half-hearted prayers. I know, and I believe that the strongholds forged by Satan can and will be brought down. It might not happen instantly. It may be a journey. It may be a fight. I have come a long way, and the devil still tries to mess with my mind. I sometimes go to bed feeling tortured. But I wake up every morning with the joy of the Lord in my heart.
Psalm 30: 5 says ” though weeping may last for the night, rejoicing comes in the morning.” That verse rings so true with me. The Lord has gone before me, and made a way for me. He has fought my battles. Now I can rejoice in the joy that only He can bring. If you’re suffering, let’s talk about it. I will stand with you and beside you, and hold you up in prayer. Sometimes, you may just need to vent. There is a listening ear who understands. And even more than that, there is a God who understands. He doesn’t dismiss what you’re going through, even if other Christians do. He is interested in every detail of your life. Allow Him to take control. He can do what no one else can. He will deliver you in Jesus name. Hold fast to His promises.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:27
Marcy this is an amazing and and gutsy article. You cut through the rhetoric and address the real issues.
Ever thought of delivering a talk/message on your experiences with depression and the misunderstandings of it in the church, followed by a Q&A. Dialogue seems to me to bring this issue out of the darkness and into the light among the pews of the church.
Would love to chat with you sometime.
Wow! You are an amazing writer – so poignant and transparent! You DEFINITELY must read this to the youth, young adults and adults of our church! Depression is a real stronghold in many people’s lives and it’s time for someone to address this issue! Who better than someone who’s experienced this? Thank you for sharing. I pray God would use you to open people’s eyes and help them see that they are not alone. We are all in this together. God bless you and watch over you always!
Thank you so much for your candidness! We need more people like you who are not afraid to tell the truth! The whole truth in such a way that is gentle yet firm. Depression, mental illness, etc.. are real!! Not always necessarily a demon but not always necessary to take meds! We always we need the power of God but sometimes we need meds too but the latter should never be judged! Least of all someone who has never experienced these things. Bless you Marcy, you really touched me with this article. Keep writing, I, for one, will be reading.